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Self harm…personal…

Not too many people know about my sordid past…those that do, well, most weren’t always very supportive of my forms of expression or they just had some idea of who I was supposed to be. I fell back into a bad habit of letting things build up too much and it got the best of me sadly. I’ve only openly admitted this to one person. Instead of self harm I have opted for piercings and tattoos. And while many don’t understand that not only is this me expressing myself but it’s preventing me from doing the things you all hate so much (I.e. cutting).
I started cutting when I was 14. When I was little I was molested by my mother’s boyfriend (whom she married after being told what he did) I’ve always felt it was my fault I should have listened to my gut. I should’ve been stronger but I wasn’t. Cutting was one way of dealing with this guilt that I had done something wrong…
Somehow it was always my fault. At 14 i learned not to trust people, that they always wanted something or were using you. Granted i did have those sacred few that i loved dearly and would have done anything for. But there was one that i had trusted above any and he used that against me…The cutting didn’t stop…at 17 i got my first tattoo. And i realized that helped more than cutting…that instead of an ugly scar i might end up regretting there would be something beautiful reminding me that I’m stronger than I think. I have faults I’m far from perfect but I continue to get up everyday and deal with whatever curve ball life decides to throw my way…
I’m a mother and I see some of the struggles I had already surfacing in my children. It scares me to no end. Yet I’m lost on what to do…Many people don’t or won’t understand but tattoos probably saved my life

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